Kingsley Amis and Martin Amis Debate Business, Modernization, and Innovation—But Agree on Code Modernization
Here is their totally real dialogue, which was recorded before Kingsley's death in 1995, and which is not at all made up by the mansion flat editors, at all.
SCENE: A dimly lit London pub. Kingsley Amis, nursing a pint, scowls at his son, Martin Amis, who is swirling an overpriced glass of something foreign and pretentious.
KINGSLEY: Business! Business! The modern disease, boy. Bunch of pinstriped chancers running about with their “projections” and “synergies” and “disruptions.” A roomful of crooks, every one of them, with suits more expensive than their intellects.
MARTIN: Ah, yes, father, because the world was ever so much better when everything was clunking along in an underpaid, overworked, sherry-soaked torpor. Modernization is the force that propels civilization forward.
KINGSLEY: Civilization? Don’t make me laugh. All it’s done is given us more paperwork, fewer competent barmaids, and toilets that require a degree in engineering to flush. What’s this mania for “innovation,” anyway? The only thing truly innovating these days is the rate at which nonsense is spoken.
MARTIN: You see, this is why you remain the Poet Laureate of Grumbling. Innovation is necessary. It’s what keeps things from rotting. It’s the difference between Dickens and—well, someone trying to write like Dickens today.
KINGSLEY: (grunts) A writer should fear innovation. Innovation is the enemy of clear prose. A business should fear it too, for the same reason.
MARTIN: And yet, when it comes to code—modernization is essential.
KINGSLEY: (suddenly nodding) Oh, well, obviously. You can’t just have people running systems on old, decaying spaghetti code. That’s lunacy.
MARTIN: Precisely. Legacy systems breed inefficiency. Technical debt is the true villain of our time—far worse than your bureaucrats and their memos.
KINGSLEY: Quite right. A proper modernization effort keeps things clear, maintainable, and fast. A man should be able to read code the way he reads a good novel—smoothly, without tripping over some fool’s archaic syntax.
MARTIN: See? A moment of lucidity. When it comes to modernization, you see sense.
KINGSLEY: (takes a long drink) Don’t push your luck. You’re still talking rubbish about the rest of it.
MARTIN: Of course, father. Wouldn’t dream of expecting consistency.
KINGSLEY: That’s the first intelligent thing you’ve said all evening.
FADE TO BLACK.